A sex therapist with two decades of experience, Vanessa Marin from California, shared four essential “don’ts” for the bedroom on social media. Drawing from her own relationship, she emphasized the importance of creating a “supportive, compassionate, and accountable” dynamic, reminding couples, “You are a team.”

1. Initiating sex:
Vanessa rejects the idea that men should always initiate sex, stating, “No way.” Research shows men enjoy when their partner initiates, and women often want to but feel held back by societal and cultural factors.

2. Avoiding pressure:
Vanessa advises never to pressure a partner who’s not in the mood, highlighting that libido naturally fluctuates. Pressuring your partner can harm the relationship.

3. Communication:
Openly discussing desires and boundaries is crucial. Vanessa stresses the need for respectful and patient conversations, reminding couples that “transformative change” takes time. Studies reveal that better communication leads to greater sexual satisfaction.

4. Showing empathy:
Reacting negatively to performance issues, like erectile dysfunction, is harmful. Vanessa warns against making it personal or using guilt tactics, as this can damage both partners’ confidence. ED is common, especially among men aged 40–70, and most couples report it doesn’t harm their relationship.

Marin’s advice centers on kindness, communication, and teamwork, fostering healthier, more satisfying connections.